News

It's been awhile since I've posted anything new or newsworthy, but I've been in a bit of turmoil the past several weeks. I am excited for a new turn my life is about to take. I have accepted a position at the eye bank in Oklahoma. I resigned from my current position at the dead zone on Monday. I'll be here until the 25th, then start at the eye bank on the 28th. This new position will open new doors for me, and honestly, will be (I hope) a very good move. It also means that I will work Monday thru Friday....more time for riding, spending time with family and enjoying life. The only reservation I have is that, strangely, I love the funeral business and am afraid I will really miss it. Fortunately, I have many good friends at the funeral home and they will continue to allow me to work funerals if I'm available. I'm excited and scared at the same time, but look forward to this new direction. Wish me luck...

Another unique casket

Nice.

This story was in the news about a month ago. It got me to thinking about interesting burials I've had over the years. Although I've had many, many interesting services, I can't recall any that had a custom casket, except for the one that was a plain, pine coffin. A young lady was killed in an auto accident and her family asked her friends to write messages on it with a sharpie pen. It was a lot like signing a yearbook and it seemed to be very therapeutic for the other kids.

As for me, I used to think I wanted to be cremated and pumped into a basketball (I was 17). Not anymore. I'm not down with the cremation. It's fine for others, but I can't stand the thought of burning. So, I recently purchased a nice corner lot at the cemetery across the street from the funeral home. Interestingly enough, this is in one of the oldest sections of the cemetery. Another interesting point is that it is, shall I say, used. No, the previous tenants aren't still there. Their families had enough money to disinter them, buy new vaults and move them to the lakeside property located approximately 200 yards away (why not leave people to rest in peace?). So, it was a great location and a great price. Especially since I received 50% off for being an employee. That translates into $47.66 per month for the next 5 years. Hopefully, my adventures on the road won't cause me to use it any earlier. But, hell, that's why I have insurance, right?

Survey says....

The NFDA (National Funeral Directors Association) has released an article about the demographics of future funeral directors. I was not surprised at what they have reported: the number of female students has increased 71% since 1996. Women now represent 60% of currently enrolled mortuary students. When I graduated from mortuary school in 1997, women were definitely in the minority.

It was difficult those first few years to get families to trust that a female could direct a funeral just as well as a male, not to mention the way some ministers felt about us. Oklahoma is not really a progressive state. It was a man's profession. Not anymore. Out of the 30 or so directors working for our company in OKC, I would say that 85% are female. Ministers are finally used to us. In fact, they typically look at me first now, and not at the 70 year old male limo driver.

Looks like we made it!

PS, I finally scored a tshirt I've been wanting for ages. My birthday was last week and my twin sister got me the one (from Undergroundhumor.com) that says "Have you hugged your funeral director today?" Right on. The Moose, she rocks! So, peeps, go on out and hug your funeral directors today. We aren't that creepy....

pic of Me and Tracy: Funeral Directors Extraordinaire!

Designer of Pringles carton buried in crisp tube.

Dr Fredric J. Baur, who was 89, had told his family to ensure his final resting place was the inside of one of his most famous creations.
They honored his request by having his ashes buried in a Pringles tube – and a more conventional urn for the overflow – at Arlington Memorial Gardens in Cincinnati, Ohio.
Dr Baur, who was a retired chemist and food storage technician at Pringles owners Procter and Gamble, patented the design for the saddle-shaped crisp’s vertical container in 1970.
His daughter Linda told the Cincinatti Enquirer that the packaging was his “proudest accomplishment.”
He also invented several other products, including a freeze-dried ice cream, which didn’t enjoy as much success.
His son Lawrence Baur told the Enquirer: “Basically, what you did, you added milk to it, put it in the freezer and you had ice cream. That was another one he was proud of but just never went anywhere.”

Time to catch up, finally....

This week has been extremely busy. The 2nd to last post, I was bitching and moaning about how it's really slow around here, then bam! the bottom falls out. The last post I had, the bottom did indeed fall out and we were up to 5 actual calls and 2 pending. That night it got worse. We ended up with 2 more, plus the 2 that were pending. That brought the total to 9, with an upcoming holiday weekend. Yea. Not so much. The cemeteries are very strict about when you can and can't have services on Memorial Day weekend. Therefore, we had 5 services yesterday and 2 today. Then, 2 families get to wait until next week to have theirs. At any rate, I am thankful we got no more calls last night, since I'm the only director on this weekend. After Monday, though, I'll be off the rest of next week. I plan to use my time wisely and put many, many miles on my bike. Have a good holiday, everyone!

The bottom dropped.

Ah, no sooner than I gripe about being slow, I pay for it. I got 3 new calls last night, 2 more that are pending and 2 that I already had. That's not too bad. 7. Good times.

Work is a drag.

Not for the obvious reasons; I'd rather be riding my motorcycle, I'd rather be mowing, I'd rather be fishing, etc. But it's a drag because this business is so cyclical. There is a definite "slow" time down here at the dead zone. And, there is a definite "slammed" time. Generally, the slow time is in the spring (now), then picks up a little in early summer, then drops off again by July or August. That's if we don't have a heat wave.

It's not that I wish people harm in order for us to be busy. It's just that if it could ever be steady throughout the year, it would be nice. Having a few slow weeks is not a reward for getting 8 calls in a night. It just makes you restless, waiting for the bottom to drop out. So, until the bottom drops out, I wait. I am working this weekend, and it's a holiday. That in itself generally makes for a busy time.

While I'm talking about the holiday, I'll also say this. Be careful. Dangerous things happen on holidays. Trust me, I've seen it. Too many idiots on the lake, road, etc and usually too much alcohol. I never like those to be the reasons I'm busy. Never. It's too damn hard.

Cemetery in the Ocean?

Since I worked this weekend, I did no riding. Therefore, I will bore you with more very, very interesting stories from the funeral business. :) Tomorrow, however, I drop my bike off to get her new pipes installed. Watch out, OKC, I'm riding this weekend!

Artificial reef near Miami is cemetery, diving attraction
Associated Press

MIAMI - About 45 feet beneath the ocean's surface lies a cemetery with gates, pathways, plaques and even benches. The Neptune Memorial Reef, which opened last fall, is seen by its creators as a perfect final resting spot for those who loved the sea. They hope that one day the reef will cover 16 acres and have room for 125,000 remains. "This is simply as good as it gets," said Gary Levine, a diver who conceived the reef and is now a shareholder in the company that owns it.

The Neptune Memorial Reef is located in open waters 3 1/4 miles off the coast of Key Biscayne, which means any certified diver can visit. The artificial reef's first phase allows for about 850 remains. The ashes are mixed with cement designed for underwater use and fitted into a mold, which a diver then places and secures into the reef. A copper and bronze plaque is installed with the person's name, date of birth and death. There is also a line for a message. Jim Hutslar, who manages the construction and deployment of the placements, said he wears sunglasses when he mixing the remains with cement to hide his emotions, especially when the family of the deceased is present.

"I intentionally try to think about the person," Hutslar said. "I am pretty sentimental anyway."
In one instance, a mother wanted to mix the cement and ashes of her son. She also left the imprints of her fingerprints and put a note into it. "It's sad to see someone die, but this is almost a celebration of life," said artist Kim Brandell, who created the reef's design. "We call it 'life after life.'"

In March, the remains of 93-year-old diver Bert Kilbride — who called himself "The Last Pirate of the Caribbean" — were placed atop a column of the reef's main gate, because of his contributions to the sea. Kilbride was named the oldest living scuba diver in this year's Guinness Book of World Records. "I think he would feel very honored," his son Gary Kilbride said. "This is somebody who has been connected to the sea his whole life."

Originally, the reef was named after the so-called lost city of Atlantis, but it changed after its owners Afterlife Services Inc. partnered with BG Capital in 2007 to form the company, said Jerry Norman, president of the Neptune Society, which is marketing the reef. The company specializes in cremation services across 11 states. Brandell said he was given no parameters in the reef's designs, which grew as they waited three years for permits. "It just kept getting larger. When we went to get permitting, it took so long. During that time I kept developing the ideas," Brandell said.

The structures are 90 percent cement. Some of the sculptural elements are in bronze and steel. It is the same pH balance as the sea, he said. "I designed it to be a divers' location. I am hoping and planning it be to the most dived location on the planet," Brandell said. "I didn't want it to look like Roman or Greek architecture. I wanted it to be contemporary or modern in design."
As a diver swims down the pathways of the reef there will be themed areas, like dancing or sports. "If it's music I might have concrete or metal musical instruments," Brandell said. "Nothing is going to be in words to describe these features — it will be sculptural elements."
Location and temperature made it an easy-to-make reef, Norman said.

"It's very conducive to marine habitat growth. You've got marine organisms, light and water," he said. "It's an easy dive for beginners and well as (the) experienced." The cost of a placement starts at $995 and can go to $6,495, for those who want to be placed inside the base of a lion statue for all eternity. Hutslar said the reef is designed to last forever and engineered to withstand the harshest hurricane that has hit Florida in the last 100 years.

Stephen Blair, chief of the restoration and enhancement section of Miami-Dade County's department of Environmental Resources Management, which has oversight of the reef, said it will become a tourist attraction. "I think the combination of the structure, the dive-site aspect as well as the how it's being used, makes it a unique site," Blair said. Keith Mille, an environmental specialist with Florida Fish and Wildlife Commission, said another method of burying ashes inside reef balls creates a habitat for fish and corals to attach. But he was impressed with the engineering concepts for this reef and the environment that it creates for divers.

Dive companies on the reef's Web site said people have been calling with interest in diving it.
"I am sure once it's completed ... it's going to be spectacular. It's definitely a beautiful site," said Alex Nunez, an instructor at South Beach Divers.

http://www.nmreef.com/

Dissolving Bodies with Lye ~ A New Idea in Mortuary Science

I'm not a huge fan of cremation and that's a fairly normal process. I don't think I could ever get on board with this idea.

AP NEWS -
CONCORD, N.H.—Since they first walked the planet, humans have either buried or burned their dead. Now a new option is generating interest—dissolving bodies in lye and flushing the brownish, syrupy residue down the drain.

The process is called alkaline hydrolysis and was developed in this country 16 years ago to get rid of animal carcasses. It uses lye, 300-degree heat and 60 pounds of pressure per square inch to destroy bodies in big stainless-steel cylinders that are similar to pressure cookers.
No funeral homes in the U.S.—or anywhere else in the world, as far as the equipment manufacturer knows—offer it. In fact, only two U.S. medical centers use it on human bodies, and only on cadavers donated for research.

But because of its environmental advantages, some in the funeral industry say it could someday rival burial and cremation.
"It's not often that a truly game-changing technology comes along in the funeral service," the newsletter Funeral Service Insider said in September. But "we might have gotten a hold of one."
Getting the public to accept a process that strikes some as ghastly may be the biggest challenge. Psychopaths and dictators have used acid or lye to torture or erase their victims, and legislation to make alkaline hydrolysis available to the public in New York state was branded "Hannibal Lecter's bill" in a play on the sponsor's name—Sen. Kemp Hannon—and the movie character's sadism.

Alkaline hydrolysis is legal in Minnesota and in New Hampshire, where a Manchester funeral director is pushing to offer it. But he has yet to line up the necessary regulatory approvals, and some New Hampshire lawmakers want to repeal the little-noticed 2006 state law legalizing it.
"We believe this process, which enables a portion of human remains to be flushed down a drain, to be undignified," said Patrick McGee, a spokesman for the Roman Catholic Diocese of Manchester.
State Rep. Barbara French said she, for one, might choose alkaline hydrolysis.
"I'm getting near that age and thought about cremation, but this is equally as good and less of an environmental problem," the 81-year-old lawmaker said. "It doesn't bother me any more than being burned up. Cremation, you're burned up. I've thought about it, but I'm dead."
In addition to the liquid, the process leaves a dry bone residue similar in appearance and volume to cremated remains. It could be returned to the family in an urn or buried in a cemetery.
The coffee-colored liquid has the consistency of motor oil and a strong ammonia smell. But proponents say it is sterile and can, in most cases, be safely poured down the drain, provided the operation has the necessary permits.

Alkaline hydrolysis doesn't take up as much space in cemeteries as burial. And the process could ease concerns about crematorium emissions, including carbon dioxide as well as mercury from silver dental fillings.
The University of Florida in Gainesville and the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minn., have used alkaline hydrolysis to dispose of cadavers since the mid-1990s and 2005, respectively.
Brad Crain, president of BioSafe Engineering, the Brownsburg, Ind., company that makes the steel cylinders, estimated 40 to 50 other facilities use them on human medical waste, animal carcasses or both. The users include veterinary schools, universities, pharmaceutical companies and the U.S. government.

Liquid waste from cadavers goes down the drain at the both the Mayo Clinic and the University of Florida, as does the liquid residue from human tissue and animal carcasses at alkaline hydrolysis sites elsewhere.

Manchester funeral director Chad Corbin wants to operate a $300,000 cylinder in New Hampshire. He said that an alkaline hydrolysis operation is more expensive to set up than a crematorium but that he would charge customers about as much as he would for cremation.
George Carlson, an industrial-waste manager for the New Hampshire Department of Environmental Services, said things the public might find more troubling routinely flow into sewage treatment plants in the U.S. all the time. That includes blood and spillover embalming fluid from funeral homes.
The department issued a permit to Corbin last year, but he let the deal on the property fall through because of delays in getting the other necessary permits. Now he must go through the process all over again, and there is gathering resistance. But he said he is undeterred.
"I don't not know how long it will take," he said recently, "but eventually it will happen."

Happy Anniversary!

Ten years ago today, I got licensed as a Funeral Director/Embalmer. Good grief, am I that old? All in all, it's been a good ten years. I estimate I've probably met with 1,000 families, worked 1,200 funerals and embalmed 1,500 bodies. Not bad for a decade of work. If it wasn't supposed to be stormy this afternoon, I'd probably treat myself with a ride after work. But, riding is NOT FUN in the rain, so I will wait. There is a ride this weekend ~ Ride for the Cure, I won't make it because I'll be burying the dead, but I may make the after party.... I'll keep my fingers crossed!

Bad News for Funeral Directors? Motorcycle Airbag Jacket

Found this on a funeral blog, bet you didn't know there was such a thing...


Will a new airbag jacket cut down on motorcycle deaths? Of course, we're just joking about this being bad for our profession; anything that saves lives is great news and besides, we serve everyone eventually.
But the question still remains: will these jackets encourage motorcyclists to drive even faster (because of the lower risk of death), thereby endangering even more of their fellow travelers?
And before you go all "even us motorcyclists deserve our rights!" crazy on me, remember that I also drive a bike. So I'm part of that particular "brotherhood" as well.
From WBALTV.com:
BALTIMORE — While motorists who have been in car crashes often attribute the help of air bags to saving their lives, a Maryland motorcycle rider injured in a collision is doing the same — for a jacket.
Joseph McPhatter, of Randallstown, was injured in a crash on Interstate 83 after being cut off by another motorist in September. According to police, McPhatter was ejected 100 feet, hitting the ground at an impact rate of 140 mph.
Police said that McPhatter might have been severely injured had it not been for the Impact Jacket he was wearing — a jacket that inflates like an air bag when a motorcyclist is in an wreck.
McPhatter suffered from sore ribs and knees and a few other minor injuries, but it could have been much worse, officials said.
Officials said McPhatter's crash was the first real-life incident in the U.S. where the jacket was used.

Motorcycle Diaries

Tomorrow, I take delivery of a new motorcycle. A 2007, Suzuki C50 Boulevard, to be exact. I will be wearing a helmet, because I am vain enough that I, at the very least, want my face to look good in my casket. I know, weird. If you knew me, you would understand. Mind you, I've now operated a motorcyle for less than 8 hours in a class I took last weekend. I suppose I will make several laps around the funeral home parking lot until I feel good enough to drive it 25 miles home. Again, if you knew me, you would understand. Wish me luck!